This was a post I wrote Sunday August 21, 2011. I was very hesitant to post it as it holds an embarrassing portion to my psychology that morning, but in order to overcome I needed to write it down and read it over and over. I am not happy about some of the content, but saw fit to divulge what I was going through. There is much much more to the story that I am surely forgetting with every key stroke. I ran this past Sunday in Memorial Park in Houston and perhaps that was the catalyst for this post being published, it was a good run with a dear close friend. Here is goes:
I ran 14 miles this morning with a group from Geaux Run. The group included Owner Edie Reidel, Greg, Dan, Liz, Bobbi (2 time breast cancer survivor) and myself. I was the youngest person in the group by about 6-8 years, so I was very happy to engage with everyone around me about their youth and their running history. It was quite fun. We all finished well in a time to be proud on a hot and humid morning, but there was something amiss to my psychology, I found I was beating myself up for something and I couldn't figure out what it was, but I know now and I'm verklempt.
It was my ego! Now, I've always known I had an ego, and it's certainly been no stranger to those who know me but this morning was different, I legitimately felt badly about how my ego was interacting with my conscience this morning. It started around mile 6.5, we had just arrived at Red's and were filling up our water bottles as well as grabbing a bite of nutrition. We left out and were well in to mile 7 when we crossed paths with another runner, a solo runner, a woman. She was pacing along and we all exchanged a hearty good morning and I thought, ''we are in mile 7, I hope she doesn't think we just started!" I was adamant about it too. I continually thought to myself, we have been suffering for over an hour, how dare anyone think of us as any less than awesome, we had a steady uninterrupted pace and the company was amazing. I became frustrated and played one scenario after another, as cars would drive by I demanded they respect our efforts as we were a group of runners, not casual once in a while runners, but seasoned, efficient runners. We were runners with stories and runners with injuries at one point or another! This lasted in to mile 10 at which point I had another epiphany - this run was euphoric! Had I missed the title purpose to this event, was I ignoring the very reason of our engagement, yes, yes I was. The first six miles went by really really quickly, then, as stated earlier, I fell in to a very poor egotistical psychological rant, one that went unseen by those around me. It was at mile 10 that it all came together for me, I realized that I was the only one who cared. There was no cause to our run that need public attention, this run was not personal, outside of the reasons as to why we exercise.
So mile 10 was my milestone, I figured it out, I was being a prick and there was no call for it. We finished the run in the heat of the morning and everyone was in great spirits, it was very refreshing and insightful to pass my Sunday morning with these individuals. One can learn a lot when one does not speak at all. Thank you to all who allowed me the pleasure of their company this morning.
I ran 14 miles this morning with a group from Geaux Run. The group included Owner Edie Reidel, Greg, Dan, Liz, Bobbi (2 time breast cancer survivor) and myself. I was the youngest person in the group by about 6-8 years, so I was very happy to engage with everyone around me about their youth and their running history. It was quite fun. We all finished well in a time to be proud on a hot and humid morning, but there was something amiss to my psychology, I found I was beating myself up for something and I couldn't figure out what it was, but I know now and I'm verklempt.
It was my ego! Now, I've always known I had an ego, and it's certainly been no stranger to those who know me but this morning was different, I legitimately felt badly about how my ego was interacting with my conscience this morning. It started around mile 6.5, we had just arrived at Red's and were filling up our water bottles as well as grabbing a bite of nutrition. We left out and were well in to mile 7 when we crossed paths with another runner, a solo runner, a woman. She was pacing along and we all exchanged a hearty good morning and I thought, ''we are in mile 7, I hope she doesn't think we just started!" I was adamant about it too. I continually thought to myself, we have been suffering for over an hour, how dare anyone think of us as any less than awesome, we had a steady uninterrupted pace and the company was amazing. I became frustrated and played one scenario after another, as cars would drive by I demanded they respect our efforts as we were a group of runners, not casual once in a while runners, but seasoned, efficient runners. We were runners with stories and runners with injuries at one point or another! This lasted in to mile 10 at which point I had another epiphany - this run was euphoric! Had I missed the title purpose to this event, was I ignoring the very reason of our engagement, yes, yes I was. The first six miles went by really really quickly, then, as stated earlier, I fell in to a very poor egotistical psychological rant, one that went unseen by those around me. It was at mile 10 that it all came together for me, I realized that I was the only one who cared. There was no cause to our run that need public attention, this run was not personal, outside of the reasons as to why we exercise.
So mile 10 was my milestone, I figured it out, I was being a prick and there was no call for it. We finished the run in the heat of the morning and everyone was in great spirits, it was very refreshing and insightful to pass my Sunday morning with these individuals. One can learn a lot when one does not speak at all. Thank you to all who allowed me the pleasure of their company this morning.
