Conversation

Me: Eden, it's time to get out of the tub baby?
Eden: Seriously Daddy? I'll be damn!
Me: Excuse me! What did you say?
Eden: Ummm... you said we need to get out of the tub.. so, uh, so I said, "I'll be damn..."
Me: Baby we can't speak that way it's not polite to use that word, where did you hear that?
Eden: Granna says that when she watches TV all the time! Okay Daddy!
Me: Well not really ok but I understand.

Conversation

Me: Hey Eden, what are you drinking in your cup?
Eden: Je ne sais pas! I don't know!
Me: Excuse me?!?!
Eden: Je ne sais pas! It means I don't know Daddy!!!!
Me: Eden, where did you learn that phrase, who taught you to say that?
Eden: Grandpa...
Me: Oh, well, that's really nice of him.
Eden: Yeah he's not gonna get a spanking, he was a good boy today.

Phone Conversation

Mom: Tim, Where are you?

Me: At Jane's picking up dad's crabs what's up?

Mom: I can't get in my car!

Me: Did you try unlocking it?

Mom: The keys on the door don't work anymore and my keypad has been broken for a while now!

Me: They must have disconnected the battery and reset the ECU... where is your key?

Mom: For my car?

Me: Yes...

Mom: In my hand...

Me: Why don't you just unlock the door with your key, ya know, insert the key in the key hole and turn???

Mom: I can do that?

Me: Seriously??????

Mom: Um... I gotta go...

Conversation:

Eden: Daddy, what's that?
Me: Baby, the correct way to pronounce that question is to say, "Daddy, what's this?" (she was holding the object)
Eden: Ok! What's this Daddy?
Me: That's a loofah!
Eden: Don't say that daddy! That's not nice!
Me: It's not a bad word baby...
Eden: Well, um, well, I don't like it a lot.
Me: Why not Princess?
Eden: I don't need a reason Daddy! Just because... It's dirty, this is super duper...not for you ok daddy?
Me: Ok little monster!
Eden: I'm not a little monster, you're a big monster! (running away laughing)

Conversation

Scene: Driving to my Parent's house to pick up my mom at 7:15 a.m. yesterday morning. At this point Eden and I are stuck behind a school bus.

Eden: God?...Gooooooood? Where are you God? Oh there you are!!!
Me: Eden, where do you see God baby?
Eden: He's on that school bus going to school!
Me: Is that so?!?! (perplexed by her imagination, though impressed)
Eden: Daddy, God said that all those kids on the bus are going learn, and and and and and if they learn they don't go to jail!
Me: (trying not to laugh) Oh, really, well - yeah, kids who learn and stay in school don't go to jail...
Eden: I wanna go to school Daddy, so the cops don't come get me!


I don't know where she learned this, or how she correlated learning and jail. She is growing up so fast and getting so big and very smart. I know everyone thinks their baby is smart and they all are in their own right, I think every generation these kids get smarter and smarter, not just my little Angel Face.

Conversation

Me: Eden, baby let me wipe your face please!?
Eden: Wait daddy, you gonna wipe off my lipsticks!
Me: Oh I'm sorry, we can redo it, I promise.
Eden: (now crying) But daddy I just did it and you're gonna wipe it off, please don't wipe it off daddy!!!!
Me: But baby your face is crusty, let's go redo your make-up princess...
Eden: (sniffling) O-o-o-o-o.....ok.

Conversation

This a conversation I overheard outside my door today at work between the Vice President of our company, and our second in command manager of the facility of which I work:

VP: Man, we just got a huge opportunity to bid 28 platforms in Pennsylvania, need guys. (Chuckling)

Manager: Wait, offshore Pennsylvania?

VP: What? No, offshore? there's no offshore in Pennsylvania, these are on land platforms.

Manager: Oh, I thought Pennsylvania was on the coast.